


take note, it's not impressive

by evelinaonline



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Dysfunctional Family, Family, Family Bonding, Friendship, Gen, Hurt and comfort, it's not a ship i will break your kneecaps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 08:34:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19081384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evelinaonline/pseuds/evelinaonline
Summary: It hurts when you're not your best friend's best friend.





	take note, it's not impressive

**Author's Note:**

> HEYYY MORE BEN FEELS!!
> 
> I'm almost done with finals (only a week left!!) and then I'm gonna post fanfics like CRAZY. I've got so many things planned, especially for Ben!!
> 
> Title is from The Kids Aren't Alright by Fall Out Boy (and I'll likely use lyrics from this song again, it's such a freaking Ben song. It makes me cri ;w;)
> 
> This is based on an ask I got on tumblr. ("With which sibling do you think Ben was the closest to when they were lil n why?")
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Ben had always been quiet.

It was ironic, considering how loud his powers screamed and beg to be let out. Ben managed to silence them behind his books, but he could still feel the horror inside of him.

He didn't dare tell the others.

He was supposed to follow the rules. Show up on time. Do good at training. Keep his uniform clean. Don't speak unless spoken to.

He was good at it: following orders. He could play perfect child if it meant he'd be left alone.

Ben could lie to the others, but he couldn't lie to himself.

After all, there was no ignoring the slightly crumbled pages on his books, when his hands were a bit more shaky, or the wetness of his pillow when  _he cried himself to sleep-_

Why would he tell the others anyway? There was nothing wrong with him. They wouldn't understand.

Luther was always caught up with something to please Dad, Diego looked as if he couldn't take in more things, Allison was in her own world, Klaus was… Klaus.

At first glance, Five looked like someone he could to talk to, but there were times when he looked at everyone with that look, the ' _I'm better than you and I know it'_  look, so why would Five even bother with Ben?

And Vanya? Ben longed for Vanya's life.

He wanted to be that kid who stayed home during missions and played the violin for hours and baked cupcakes with Mom and read books all night until he passed out.

Ben wanted to be  _normal_.

He spent hours with Vanya, pretending he was just like her. An ordinary kid, who was just unfortunate enough to have been adopted by a stern family.

They read books together during their free time, and discussed them cuddled up underneath Vanya's bed covers at night. Vanya told him that she wished she could go on missions, and Ben told her he wished he could stay home. They joked about changing places, but deep down they both knew they meant it.

They talked about anything and everything, and it was perfect, Ben had a friend — a  _best_ friend — and she was perfect.

But Vanya's best friend wasn't Ben.

It was Five.

Ben knew that meant she didn't love him any less. It was okay. They were still friends, and they could still spend time together.

And he couldn't blame her for it. He liked Five too. Five was down-to-earth and smart. Ben could communicate with him. They were friends, they really were.

But Vanya and Five were  _best_  friends.

And he couldn't help but wonder if Vanya held her deepest thoughts back when she opened up to Ben. If there were teeny tiny secrets she only let Five hear.

Of course they were.

Ben didn't hate her for it. Five was better than him, after all. No one said it out loud, but everyone knew it. But there was this small, quiet voice in his head, kind of like him, calling him names, calling him a third wheel, unimportant, annoying. And he believed it.

It didn't get better after Five disappeared.

Ben wasn't expecting it to, but he didn't have to like it, and things only got worse by the day.

When they were reading together, Ben would catch Vanya glancing at her side, with a smile that radiated nothing but sadness on her lips. And when Ben asked if she had finished reading the page, she'd quietly mumble yes, and he'd move on to the next without her.

Ben missed Five, and he missed Vanya too.

He just wanted everything to go back to normal. He wanted the three of them to stay up all night and eat whatever snack Five could salvage from the kitchen.

He wanted him and Five to take turns at playing Vanya's violin, and see who was better. It was always Five, but Ben always had fun. All three of them had fun.

He wanted to hug them both. He wanted to cry in their arms instead of his pillow, he wanted to tell them how much he missed them, that it just wasn't the same anymore.

And then he died.

He ran away with Klaus when they turned eighteen. They spent some time on the streets, Ben watching as Klaus got high on whatever he could find. It didn't surprise him when they ran out of money and returned to the academy.

Ben saw Vanya again. The little girl she had once been was buried under layers and layers of anxiety and depression. Ben tried to imagine how he would have felt if she had died after Five. He couldn't.

He and Klaus didn't leave for real until it was just them and Luther in the house. They'd disappear for days, weeks even, in a row sometimes, but they always came back. Not when they turned twenty-two though.

They left again, for real this time.

And they bonded. They opened up to each other. They were present when the other needed them.

Ben couldn't believe he had never once considered that Klaus had been carrying the burden of his powers when they were kids.

He was there for Klaus, helping him through his addiction, comforting him when things felt too much like the academy, when Klaus was surrounded by screams. He couldn't touch him physically, no, but he tried his best.

And yet, despite everything Klaus was going through, he was there for Ben too.

He'd turn the pages of his books for him, he'd add new songs to his playlist, he'd even walk all the way to the ocean for Ben. And sometimes, when things got too much, and Ben just couldn't pretend he was okay any longer, Klaus would be the one comforting him.

It was mostly by getting him waffles, which, even though Ben couldn't eat, he appreciated.

Klaus knew Ben, and Ben knew Klaus. He wasn't afraid of opening up to him, of speaking his heart, of being himself.

After thirteen years of standing by his side, Ben was certain that Klaus was his best friend.

And he was his too.


End file.
